Celebrant Pam Vetter


	Celebrating Life Everyone Has A Story...

Spicy at 81 Years of Age
Contributed by: Pam Vetter

9/12/06 Valley News Article

After suffering many losses, Berile Stander has a lot to live for.

Stander is one of the nicest long-time residents of the San Fernando Valley. He has lived in the valley since 1953. He remains active with travel, lunches with friends, and enjoys family gatherings.

Stander smiles as he enjoys today, but he also grins as he remembers the best times of his life ranging from spicy Cajun memories in Louisiana to the love of his life.

Born 1925, in Opelousas, Louisiana, Berile Bennett Stander, was a welcome addition to the family. His father, Julius Stander, was a strong man. At the age of 18, Julius, was an amateur wrestling champion in England. He would take a deck of cards and tear them in half. People loved to watch him perform. Stander's mother, Bertha Stander, ran a ladies dress store. Some customers would pay for the goods with a cow, a pig, or in peanuts during the Depression. Bertha had a gracious nature and helped anyone in trouble. She had a great influence on Stander's life, teaching him lessons early on: How to be kind, giving, and understanding of others.

Stander had a great childhood with many siblings. He had four brothers and one sister: Leonard, Alvin, Otis Burton, Lloyd, and Esther. They were his best friends in life. The kids grew up in a small town but there were also cousins, aunts, uncles, and relatives all over Louisiana. They never felt alone.

When Stander was a freshman in high school, he won a dance contest. But, he was also academic and very smart. He went to summer school at Lafayette High School, graduated one year early, and earned the title of Valedictorian.

At the age of 18, Stander volunteered to join the Army. In fact, all of his brothers and sisters served their country. Four of the boys were in the Army, Otis Burton was in the Navy, and his sister, Esther, joined Waves, which was a female division of the Navy. They were proud of their country and proud of their service.

Stander traveled around the country on various trainings and eventually landed in Tinian, part of the Marianas. It was in Tinian where he ran into a former neighbor, Irl White. They were overseas, thousands of miles from home, and somehow, they found each other. They decided to celebrate. Stander added some orange bitters to some alcohol and Irl got some beer from the Sea Bees. The two of them got so drunk that night, they ended up on their way to a Japanese Stronghold. The MP's picked them up. Luckily, everyone had a good laugh over it.

For the next year, Stander was stationed in Saipan. During World War II, he was a Medic. He was also an excellent marksman. It was difficult. He lost a close childhood friend, George Pavy, in World War II during an aircraft training mission. Stander wrote a personal letter to Pavy's mother. The letter he wrote was so profound that Pavy's mother carried the letter in her pocket every day until she died. Stander served in the military from 1943 to 1946.

After the Army, he returned home and entered school as a pre-med student at Louisiana State University, following in his brothers' footsteps. Two of Stander's brothers became surgeons. Dr. Alvin Stander was an Orthopedic Surgeon who was in the Hall of Fame for Sports Trainers. Dr. Leonard Stander was a well-known Thoracic surgeon.

In school, Stander changed his mind about being pre-med and switched his major to Chemistry. He studied hard and later took graduate classes at the University of Arizona. He moved to California in 1948, where he took classes at UCLA, and found work in the chemical industry.

Shortly after arriving in California, he met his future wife: Constance Cross. They were polar opposites who fell in love. She loved art, drama, and the ballet. He loved to watch sports and talk about chemistry. Somehow, it was a perfect match and their worlds intertwined. Connie was born on Christmas day and she was a wonderful gift to Stander's life. The couple was married in 1949 and honeymooned in Tijuana, Mexico.

Stander remembers that he lived a better life because of Connie, "I never would have done the things I ended up doing without Connie. We traveled on many trips together over the years. We had two wonderful kids. I think about her every day."

The couple had two children: Sharon Ann Stander and Jay Randolph Stander. They soon became known as Sherry and Randy. When Sherry was young, she had physical problems and it was a hard time. Starting out, the family had no medical insurance and Sherry had to have a kidney removed. Stander worked two jobs to make ends meet. It was tough, but they worked together. Thankfully, Sherry recovered.

Stander remembers those years when his children were young. He said,"They were the best family years of my life. We shared gratitude for every moment."

Traveling was always important to the Stander family. Over the years, they traveled to different places to spend time with Stander's brothers and sister. There were makeshift family reunions every year at different sites: Lake Tahoe, Florida, Biloxi, or New Orleans. Wherever the moment took them, they made time for each other. The last full family gathering was in 1989 before his oldest brother passed away.

Connie appreciated and supported the family connection. Stander also supported her family trips to her home in Toronto and around Canada to see her relatives.

When their kids were little, they'd go to the beach a lot. During the summer, they'd rent a place with friends at Balboa and they'd stay a couple of weeks and barbeque on the beach. The best years of his life were from the 1940's to the 1970's.

Stander and Connie had a special relationship. He remembers Connie as beautiful, spirited, artistic, and highly intelligent. She was also liberal in everything she did, giving money to many charities including the Blind Association and a variety of animal causes. She worked as a school teacher for many years. Her students loved her so much, after she retired, former students approached her in restaurants or stores to thank her for making a difference in their lives.

As a result of this great partnership, Stander and Connie produced two thoughtful children. Their son, Randy, never missed a weekend going to dinner with his parents. Stander was proud of Randy's plays that he wrote and produced. Randy followed in his mother's footsteps and became a fifth grade school teacher.

Sherry never missed time with her parents either. She went on to lead classes for Graduate teaching students at the University of Nevada Reno. She also inherited Connie's artistic talents. Even though she moved away, she continues to call Stander every week to check on him. Both of them are loving and dedicated children.

Life is never without bumps. But, the entire family suffered a devastating blow in 1975. Stander's five-year-old grandson, Jake Stander, passed away in a house fire. Jake was staying with Stander and Connie for the weekend, when a fire broke out in the middle of the night. No one could get to Jake because of the flames. It was one of the hardest times in Stander's life and a very sad time for the entire family. There is a marker in memory of Jake at the Santa Barbara Zoo, a place he loved as a child.

It was hard after that incident to get back on their feet and continue forward, but slowly, that is what everyone had to do.

Stander and Connie spent time traveling. They traveled to Europe, Canada, and cities in the United States. On one of their last trips to France in 1984, Connie twisted her ankle while walking on the cobblestones and a doctor wrapped her ankle and put her on crutches. Connie was determined to continue the trip and they went all over France with those crutches. They visited artists homes in France and several museums. They also stayed at Cheateaus in the wine country.

When they visited the Galleries Lafayette in Paris, they were riding up an escalator when a guy bumped into Stander, stealing his wallet. He chased the guy down, twisted his arm, and demanded his wallet. Finally, he dropped the wallet and ran away. Stander found his identification and money still inside the wallet. About fifty people watched the event unfold, but no one helped him.

When Stander talks about his wife, Connie, he smiles from ear to ear. He experienced more enjoyment seeing her happiness than anything else in life.

He is also proud of his grandson, Sam Stander, who was invited to apply at many of the top schools including Yale, Stanford, and Harvard because of his high PSAT scores. Schools have been courting him for several years because of his intelligence. Sam is currently the entertainment editor and assistant editor of the Literary Magazine for the Gifted at North Hollywood High School.

Stander worked hard his entire life. He worked in the Water Treatment Division of Olin. He was also a member of the American Institute of Chemists and wrote articles about chemicals, including one about mold releases on glass. For 25 years, he owned one third of a chemical corporation. He also held a few patents, one of which would help save water in large cooling towers. The Department of Water and Power now gives incentives to those who use it. Although he held the patents, he said, "Having children was better than any patent."

He loves New Orleans music such as Jazz, the Blues, and Big Band. He enjoys the music of Ella Fitzgerald. He continues to listen to music on CD's, when he's not watching sports. His favorite sport remains golf. He shot two holes in one over the course of his life and won a gold putter in a putting contest once.

This summer, he traveled to visit with relatives in Louisiana, Texas, and Florida. He spent time with his children and his grandson and also met new friends at One Generation on Victory Boulevard.

Stander acknowledged that his greatest asset in life was his intelligence. As a result, he is an avid reader. One of the books he tells everyone to read is A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, which details stories about inventors and scientific facts.

In the end, one of his best memories was celebrating his 50th Wedding Anniversary with Connie at the Brandywine Restaurant. He enjoyed making her happy and he loved her. She passed away in her sleep after her Christmas birthday on January 3, 2005. Her ashes were buried next to their grandson at the Oakwood Cemetery in Chatsworth. He continues to care for their dog, Lucy, who is a constant companion and very protective.

Stander still has plenty of living to do and advice for others, "The most important thing in life is to be able to love and to have love." He also believes in helping others. "The act of doing something to help someone else should be sufficient, expect no returns. If you do get a return, consider it a bonus. Give to others unconditionally and do it with a smile. Possessions don't mean a thing. At one time, I thought a pipe and tobacco would be enough for all of my possessions. Then, I stopped smoking. So, you see, I didn't even need them."

To sit and listen to Berile Stander and his stories is an amazing gift. Looking through his photo albums of history seems like the journey in memories never ends. A picture jogs a memory and brings a warm, welcome smile.

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